“Crazy Slapping Sleep-walker on the Loose!” is the personal narrative story that I chose because I think I did a really good job in that story. I knew that a narrative story is not fiction; the event has to have happened in your life sometime (maybe years ago, months ago, or even just a minute ago). To be a narrative writer, you should do your writing in a certain style. Narrative writers always write a little seed story (small moment) and do not write about a giant watermelon topic (huge event). You need include true, exact and rich details to form a movie in your reader’s mind and the way to do that is by showing not telling. You write a small moment so your details really shine. Your topic should be clear, your reader should understand what is going on in your story as they read it, and you should write the story in such a way that the reader can actually experience it from the beginning to the end.
You should frequently express strong feelings and show rather than tell about those feelings. You should include two or sometimes even three small moments so that there is a sense that each story has a beginning, middle, and an end. These are the traits that you as a narrator would need to do if you want yourself an excellent story. Because it was my first time sleepwalking and also because the event was totally funny, I wrote this personal narrative story and it was also why this story was important to me. Zooming in on the small moment in my story was another thing that I did to make my story better. I made sure that I put every true detail that I could remember plus I also made sure that my story had a beginning, middle and an end. Showing not telling and adding more details is what I would improve if I could. To me, my topic was not clear and I mixed past tense with present tense too. Even though, I made all this mistakes, my narrative was not the best; I still like my narrative story. J Below is my personal narrative that I wrote:
Yangji Sherpa 01/03/11 6-P “Crazy Slapping Sleep-walker on the Loose!”
I thought that day was going to be the same as always but that day was full of shocks and laughs. The first shock of the day was both funny and shocking. As I rolled out of my bed somewhere around six in the morning, I heard my mom and my sister laughing really, really loud. I quickly washed my face, next I started walking quickly to see where they are and I gave up right after looking in the living room because I just got up! Plus the laughing stopped too. I jumped on the sofa in the living room, grabbed the remote that was on the floor next to the sofa, turned on the T.V., changed the sport channel to a music channel and listened to the music as I wondered what my dream I saw just the night before was about but all I could remember was that it was crazy! Suddenly, I heard my stomach growl but I tried to ignore the growling except it just got louder and louder and harder to ignore. I walked into the kitchen to eat breakfast because I couldn’t stand my stomach growling every second. I hear my sister and mom laugh again. I dashed to the kitchen to ask them why they were laughing but when I was running I tripped on my face because of the stupid teddy bear that I bought for my sister for her birthday. Why was it on the floor, anyway? I stayed there for awhile, and then the laughing stopped again and my stomach started growling again. Soon, it felt as if my stomach was eating itself. Therefore, I slowly got up and walked to the kitchen. As I enter the kitchen I heard my mom and my sister laugh their heart out. I started to sarcastically laughing with them. Then, my sister pointed at me and started to laugh even more with her mouth full of cereal. The milk was drooling from her mouth. Mom would never let me eat breakfast like that. “Hope, she chokes and dies.” I muttered myself making sure no one heard me. “So, why are you guys laughing?” I asked them as I make poured some milk on my glass. “Something very funny happened last night.” My mom replied. “What happened last night?” I asked them. “Oh… you don’t want to know!” my sister answered. “DON’T TELL ME WHAT I DON’T WANT!” I raged. “Okay, okay. We’ll tell you what happened last night! Don’t kill u.” my sister laughed. “Last night around midnight, you stood up in your bed then you jumped from the bed to the floor almost hitting your head on the wall.” she said in a small voice almost as a whisper but louder and that’s when I knew she was trying to scare me. “I don’t find anything funny about that.” I interrupted her without even knowing. “I’m not done yet. Then you grabbed your cover and started walking in a circle with your cover dragged on the floor and then you asked, ‘Why isn’t my dad’s brother married yet?” she said in a scary tone as she drank her coffee. “Why didn’t I say uncle instead of ‘dad’s brother?” I asked her. “Don’t know and don’t wanna know?” my sister replied.
Mom was just looking at us, waiting for us to stop talking so that she could continue what she was saying. “Oh, yeah sorry. You can continue,” I told mom. “After you asked why dad’s brother is not married, I got confused and as I got up I said, ‘what?’ Then, after ten seconds or so, you dropped your cover on the floor and started to bang on the door and next, you walked towards and slapped me and then you started hitting me. You finally calmed down, you picked your cover from the floor, then you slept on your bed and somehow if seemed as if nothing had happened. While, it you’re sleeping, I asked myself, ‘What just happened right now in just three minutes?’ over and over and over till I gave up. At first I thought you hit your head really, really hard while you were sleeping,” Mom laughed. “Mom, I am very sorry for slapping you plus I don’t think that it was funny, I just think it’s just creepy.” I told them in total disappointment. “There’s more funny parts like when you were walking in a circle with your cover, you tripped on your face also before you started to bang on the door, and you hit your head on the door. You are so stupid!” she told me calmly until she started to laugh like a witch which made me hard to understand what she was saying afterwards. “I still don’t see anything funny about this,” I told her but I in reality I was trying not to burst out laughing. “No one cares about what you think.” Dalamu replied. “I don’t believe that I sleepwalked, you probably made it up because I was complaining about me never sleepwalking. Anyway, if you didn’t make this up, I think I was possessed,” I retorted. I was wondering how cool it would be if I was possessed until my sister told me “You die after you get possessed, moron!” “Really, you die after you get possessed. That’s sad,” I replied in disappointment “Now because of you this is not funny as it was anymore.” Dalamu retorted. “What was that suppose to mean?” I thought as my sister went to her room. “You looked so crazy when you were ‘sleep-waking’ because it seemed as if you were in a hurry while you were ‘sleepwalking’,” mom laughed. “I’ll never believe that I sleepwalked and slapped you, it’s like saying that eating poop will make you healthy,” I replied as remembered it was Saturday and walked back to my room to go to sleep. Even though my sister and my mom told me that I was sleepwalking; I will never believe them.
Portfolio Reflection
By: Yangji Sherpa Date: 05-06-11“Crazy Slapping Sleep-walker on the Loose!” is the personal narrative story that I chose because I think I did a really good job in that story. I knew that a narrative story is not fiction; the event has to have happened in your life sometime (maybe years ago, months ago, or even just a minute ago). To be a narrative writer, you should do your writing in a certain style. Narrative writers always write a little seed story (small moment) and do not write about a giant watermelon topic (huge event). You need include true, exact and rich details to form a movie in your reader’s mind and the way to do that is by showing not telling. You write a small moment so your details really shine. Your topic should be clear, your reader should understand what is going on in your story as they read it, and you should write the story in such a way that the reader can actually experience it from the beginning to the end.
You should frequently express strong feelings and show rather than tell about those feelings. You should include two or sometimes even three small moments so that there is a sense that each story has a beginning, middle, and an end. These are the traits that you as a narrator would need to do if you want yourself an excellent story.
Because it was my first time sleepwalking and also because the event was totally funny, I wrote this personal narrative story and it was also why this story was important to me. Zooming in on the small moment in my story was another thing that I did to make my story better. I made sure that I put every true detail that I could remember plus I also made sure that my story had a beginning, middle and an end. Showing not telling and adding more details is what I would improve if I could. To me, my topic was not clear and I mixed past tense with present tense too. Even though, I made all this mistakes, my narrative was not the best; I still like my narrative story. J
Below is my personal narrative that I wrote:
Yangji Sherpa
01/03/11
6-P
“Crazy Slapping Sleep-walker on the Loose!”
I thought that day was going to be the same as always but that day was full of shocks and laughs. The first shock of the day was both funny and shocking.
As I rolled out of my bed somewhere around six in the morning, I heard my mom and my sister laughing really, really loud. I quickly washed my face, next I started walking quickly to see where they are and I gave up right after looking in the living room because I just got up! Plus the laughing stopped too. I jumped on the sofa in the living room, grabbed the remote that was on the floor next to the sofa, turned on the T.V., changed the sport channel to a music channel and listened to the music as I wondered what my dream I saw just the night before was about but all I could remember was that it was crazy! Suddenly, I heard my stomach growl but I tried to ignore the growling except it just got louder and louder and harder to ignore. I walked into the kitchen to eat breakfast because I couldn’t stand my stomach growling every second.
I hear my sister and mom laugh again. I dashed to the kitchen to ask them why they were laughing but when I was running I tripped on my face because of the stupid teddy bear that I bought for my sister for her birthday. Why was it on the floor, anyway? I stayed there for awhile, and then the laughing stopped again and my stomach started growling again. Soon, it felt as if my stomach was eating itself. Therefore, I slowly got up and walked to the kitchen. As I enter the kitchen I heard my mom and my sister laugh their heart out. I started to sarcastically laughing with them. Then, my sister pointed at me and started to laugh even more with her mouth full of cereal. The milk was drooling from her mouth. Mom would never let me eat breakfast like that. “Hope, she chokes and dies.” I muttered myself making sure no one heard me.
“So, why are you guys laughing?” I asked them as I make poured some milk on my glass.
“Something very funny happened last night.” My mom replied.
“What happened last night?” I asked them.
“Oh… you don’t want to know!” my sister answered.
“DON’T TELL ME WHAT I DON’T WANT!” I raged.
“Okay, okay. We’ll tell you what happened last night! Don’t kill u.” my sister laughed.
“Last night around midnight, you stood up in your bed then you jumped from the bed to the floor almost hitting your head on the wall.” she said in a small voice almost as a whisper but louder and that’s when I knew she was trying to scare me.
“I don’t find anything funny about that.” I interrupted her without even knowing.
“I’m not done yet. Then you grabbed your cover and started walking in a circle with your cover dragged on the floor and then you asked, ‘Why isn’t my dad’s brother married yet?” she said in a scary tone as she drank her coffee.
“Why didn’t I say uncle instead of ‘dad’s brother?” I asked her.
“Don’t know and don’t wanna know?” my sister replied.
Mom was just looking at us, waiting for us to stop talking so that she could continue what she was saying.
“Oh, yeah sorry. You can continue,” I told mom.
“After you asked why dad’s brother is not married, I got confused and as I got up I said, ‘what?’ Then, after ten seconds or so, you dropped your cover on the floor and started to bang on the door and next, you walked towards and slapped me and then you started hitting me. You finally calmed down, you picked your cover from the floor, then you slept on your bed and somehow if seemed as if nothing had happened. While, it you’re sleeping, I asked myself, ‘What just happened right now in just three minutes?’ over and over and over till I gave up. At first I thought you hit your head really, really hard while you were sleeping,” Mom laughed.
“Mom, I am very sorry for slapping you plus I don’t think that it was funny, I just think it’s just creepy.” I told them in total disappointment.
“There’s more funny parts like when you were walking in a circle with your cover, you tripped on your face also before you started to bang on the door, and you hit your head on the door. You are so stupid!” she told me calmly until she started to laugh like a witch which made me hard to understand what she was saying afterwards.
“I still don’t see anything funny about this,” I told her but I in reality I was trying not to burst out laughing.
“No one cares about what you think.” Dalamu replied.
“I don’t believe that I sleepwalked, you probably made it up because I was complaining about me never sleepwalking. Anyway, if you didn’t make this up, I think I was possessed,” I retorted.
I was wondering how cool it would be if I was possessed until my sister told me “You die after you get possessed, moron!”
“Really, you die after you get possessed. That’s sad,” I replied in disappointment
“Now because of you this is not funny as it was anymore.” Dalamu retorted.
“What was that suppose to mean?” I thought as my sister went to her room.
“You looked so crazy when you were ‘sleep-waking’ because it seemed as if you were in a hurry while you were ‘sleepwalking’,” mom laughed.
“I’ll never believe that I sleepwalked and slapped you, it’s like saying that eating poop will make you healthy,” I replied as remembered it was Saturday and walked back to my room to go to sleep.
Even though my sister and my mom told me that I was sleepwalking; I will never believe them.
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